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How are you teaching your kids about disabilities? Do you shush them? Do you give an explanation? If so, what’s your explanation?
Sometimes, our kids ask questions that either make us feel uncomfortable or we don’t have a perfect and shiny brilliant answer. Friend, it is okay to be uncomfortable and not have a well thought out answer.
BIBLICAL WORLDVIEW ON DISABILITY
We have to remember our Biblical worldview, all people are made in the image of God. We don’t have to be afraid or uncomfortable to answer questions about the people God made. Sure, we may not know the type of equipment someone uses or we don’t know the name of the disability someone has, but we can give our children simple answers like “God made them” or “I’m not sure what that piece of equipment is.”
I do have two points that I’d like to share with you before we move into practical tips!
My top two points we need to remember while thinking and teaching our kids about those with disabilities:
- They are sinners in need of a Savior. No matter the ability, they are sinners and I think this is a crucial point to make to our children. Even though God made people unique in looks and abilities, they still need a Rescuer. We continue the Gospel conversation with our disabled friends!
- We don’t look at them in despair or as an “unfortunate” circumstance. When we see people that are disabled in any measure we look at them as image bearers. We use a biblical perspective and remember how intricately, God Himself, designed them. Their circumstances and abilities are purposeful from the Lord.
We ought to look at them and glorify our Creator God who intricately knitted them together in their mother’s womb. Yes, when sin entered the world, it entered into all things causing devastation and harm to our bodies, but God still made them in His own image.
This is how we are to think about those with disabilities. We think of our life giving Father who chose to uniquely create someone to glorify Himself.
I love this sweet quote from Laura Wifler’s new book, Like Me: A Story about Disability and Discovering God’s Image in Every Person ,the older brother says,
“…God made everyone unique. We all give him glory in different ways, and if we look closely, we can learn a little bit about God through each of them.”
For this post, I specifically wanted to give a few practical tips for how we speak to our kids about disability and what we say when they have these questions and comments.
QUICK PARENTING TIP
When talking to your young kids about disability, I think it’s wise to keep your explanation simple. Their little minds are curious and we want to give them answers they can understand and remember. We want them to be interested and excited to learn!
Okay, let’s move to tips!
KID’S QUESTIONS ABOUT DISABILITY
“Why do they look/sound/act like that?”
For our girls, I simply answer depending on the situation by saying, “God made them this way.” I do not say this with an unfortunate tone, but sometimes I’ll include, “Isn’t that cool how God made them differently than you?”
This teaches our kids of God’s sovereignty and how He chooses to create people in all sorts of ways, but it’s also showing them that those with disabilities are unique and not in a bad way.
“Why did God make them this way?”
I love this question because we ultimately don’t know. This teaches our children that we are not God and only the Creator knows how and why He creates people.
This question brings me back to the man born blind in John chapter 9 when the disciples asked Jesus if it was this man’s sin or his parents’ sin that made him blind. Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”
Our girls do not fully grasp this answer, nor do we honestly, but “For God’s own glory.” He loves all His image bearers and He wants us to see Himself in all people.
“What are they holding/sitting on/using?”
This goes for any type of equipment that kids see for those with disabilities. My answer is simple, again, depending on the circumstance I’ll answer with, “This helps their body to do ______”.
Sometimes, I’m not sure what the device or the equipment is used for and if that’s the case I tell them I’m not sure. If they’re still curious, sometimes I’ll look it up on my phone or laptop and see if I can figure out what the equipment is.
Otherwise, I simply say, “I’m not sure, but it looks like it might help them with _______.”
P.S. be sure to tell your kids that you love it when they ask questions about disability! This will encourage them to continue the conversation, but it’ll also help you practice answering questions and be excited about learning more alongside your kids!
JOSEPHINE HOLLAND DRAGNA
Since I am not an expert on disability, I wanted to bring a sweet friend into this conversation who knows way more than I do on this topic. My friend, Kristin Dragna, has a beautiful three-year-old daughter named Josephine, a.k.a Feeny who was diagnosed with spina bifida while in the womb. I wanted to ask her a few questions about how she teaches young kids about Feeny and her abilities.
Before we jump in, I want to gently remind you that neither myself or Kristin speak as experts in the area of disability nor are we speaking on behalf of the entire disabled community. We are only speaking from our own experiences and guidance from the Lord.
Let’s jump into these questions and Kristin’s answers!
Me: What kind of questions do you receive, specifically from young kids, about Feeny?
Kristin: Right now, kids will mostly ask about Josephine’s wheelchair, why she isn’t speaking to them, or looking directly at them.
Me: How does it make you feel when younger kids talk to you or ask you questions about Feeny?
Kristin: I honestly love when children feel comfortable asking questions about Josephine. They are genuinely curious and have no ill intent. I’m always gauging my answers with the age of the child. I keep it simple because it really is. Here are some examples of answers I’ve given:
Q: Why is she in that chair?
A: Sometimes her legs don’t follow directions from her brain, so she uses her arm muscles to move around.
A: She’s still learning how to walk, so she uses her arms to get where she wants to go.
Q: Why isn’t she looking at me?
A: Sometimes it’s easier for her to look at you with the side of her eyes. She is still paying attention to you!
A: Sometimes her eyes need a break, so she needs to look away from your face. You can still offer her a toy and she can see it! She knows that you are there!
Q: Why doesn’t she talk?
A: She is still learning how to talk, but she can understand what you’re saying! You can talk to her and play with her as much as you want!
A: She doesn’t use her voice to say words right now, but you can let her use her really cool tablet to tell you what toy she wants to play with next!
A: Some kids take longer to learn how to speak with their voices, but it doesn’t mean they’re not smart!
Me: What advice/encouragement would you give to moms when they talk to their kids about disability?
Kristin: Please don’t hush your child if they have questions about someone’s exceptionalities! You may not know the “perfect” thing to say, but please don’t treat disability as some taboo thing that you don’t speak about! That’s just not loving. It really doesn’t have to be a giant Hallmark moment where you profoundly describe the fall and its effect on human bodies every time you see someone using a walker. Don’t put that pressure on yourself! Keep it simple. If you see adaptive equipment, tell them what its purpose is.
As a parent to a disabled child, I am still figuring out the best way to educate others when they have questions, and often I have failed. Some of my answers have been clumsy and unclear, and I’m talking about the tiny human I’m an expert on. So there’s a lot of grace to go around!
I’d also recommend checking out your local library for books featuring people with various disabilities. Normalizing exceptionalities is so valuable, but you may have to seek out some of that representation if your social circle is small. You can find books receiving the Schneider Family Book Award, as the featured stories portray the experience of living with disabilities. I also love all that Laura Wifler has been putting out on Biblical views of disability!
Me: How can we point our kids to Christ through the conversation of disabilities?
Kristin: It always goes back to Imago Dei. Our disabled friends were created by our all-powerful God, in his very image, to reflect his goodness and glory. Just as we are. Our disabled friends are worthy of love and respect and friendship. Not pity and sympathetic nods. Sometimes their bodies or minds may not “follow directions” because we live in a world affected by sin. This doesn’t mean that they are any less valuable to our Creator.
Invite disabled friends on playdates. Ask about their therapy goals and celebrate all the small victories with them! Pray for them. Thank God for them. Knowing more about your neighbor and how uniquely God made them can help to love them better.
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Thanks for reading, friend!
I hope this blog and my friend Kristin have encouraged and helped you to teach your young children about disabilities. Remember, we’re all continuing to learn and grow in all areas of life so as you continue to have conversations about disability give grace to your children and one another!
Let me know how you teach your children about disability and what resources you use!